Journal Entries

2/25/2015

A Pause in the Earth’s Rotation

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with cancer and had her breast removed yesterday. I don’t even know where to begin, this woman came out of surgery smiling, not crying and was ready to take on the world. She was talking and within the hour she was walking. We laughed and she told me all of the details about being put under the anesthesia and waking up feeling like her head was swarmed by strange, invading clouds. She was glowing.During her surgery, I wandered around the hospital, which was actually very peaceful. This hospital didn’t seem to be in a state of worry or rush and if so, i was either blind or they were keeping it all a secret. There were no young children running around with large balloons or large crowds of people waiting to be addressed by busy nurses. Everything seemed stuck. This hospital was a pause in the Earth’s rotation.

I found a large, slightly dirtied window. I could tell other impatient individuals had been here before because there was still condensation impressions on the glass. From the looks of it, someone had leaned their head against the window and possibly took one of those painful moments of reflection just before I had arrived. Maybe their pain was still dwelling within the area because I could almost feel their heart aching for comfort.

The view was beautiful. A panorama of the snowy Catskills miles and miles away was clear as day from this perspective. It was there I developed a true love for these giant mounds of solid rock. The entire idea captured me. I felt as if I was trapped in a snow globe but the beauty was not around me but instead outside of the inch thick glass. The forecast for the afternoon called for heavy snow between 4-8 inches and imagined the white,pouring flakes racing down from the sky at that moment. I was stuck in a reversed snow globe. I felt content, almost safe in my personal bubble miles from these mountains. As I turned to walk back to the room, I was halfway down the hall when I had realized unconsciously I too rested my head against that window and now, I was almost sure that the person before me was not experiencing pain, but rather discovered comfort in their reflection. Just like me.

2/22/2015

Restless but Alive

It is 5 AM and I’m honestly still awake. This is crazy. I got little to no sleep yesterday sleeping on a hospital cot and now i’m home in my own bed and I don’t seem to want to go to bed. I’m going through a lot of photos trying to edit my blog more and I keep crossing some uncomfortable ones but every time I do, I know that brighter things are coming my way 100%. I couldn’t be more excited! An amazing,riveting feeling.

2/22/2015

I HAVE A COLD.

I have a cold and it definitely doesn’t feel good. I don’t normally get sick so what the hell is this? I don’t feel like sleeping although I’m really tired. I spent two days at the hospital because my grandmother successfully had he breast removed to cancer. She’s doing good! A friend and I ran errands for her when we got home. We were almost back home from our errands when we realized we forgot to buy Tylenol. We decided in order to keep us from obsessing about the gas we just wasted, we would buy cupcakes and milkshakes. Makes sense right? I saw a cute guy where my friend worked, I texted her later to get the details on him but turns out he’s gay. Oh well, maybe next time! My fricken acne is annoying and this cold, this cold. At least, i think its a cold but anyway, I had a milk shake and a gluten free chocolate chip brownie. So exciting. MY EYES HURT but whatever.

Cute boys write me poetry to make my cold go away thanks!!