Possible beginning of a book I forgot about weeks ago.
Note: I was sitting in Barnes & Noble drinking hot green tea wishing a cute boy would enter and catch my gaze.
She sits at the edge of her coffee table. Her tea cooling in the afternoon air, her shiny new book resting under her wrists. She’s not reading. Her headphones are in and she’s listening to the most beautiful symphony,Stokkseyri by Jónsi and Alex. She’s tired. I can see it. I can also see the pain she’s hiding. The pain that sits so deep in her chest, so deep in her heart, so painfully hidden. Rescue her? Maybe. Maybe I could. But to find the pain? I don’t know. A steady eyed look seemed more permanent than temporary above her cheekbones. I couldn’t help but notice the small rip in her white t shirt. I wonder how that got there.
I watch her from across the room, my gaze hidden behind the mass of a book about the ocean floor. She seems so lost. So lost yet so found, as if she belonged in that metal black chair leaning against the round orange table. She looked so steady. So steady but so unstable. She knew her place in the world. From my perspective at least. There was just something missing. Something bruised. Something…broken. I couldn’t tell if It was her or something that had happened. Maybe the pain had made her that way or maybe…she was just…that way. Her eyes flicker up from the floor and I turn my eyes back to the pages of the book sitting carefully in my hands. I don’t think she notices.
I notice. He couldn’t be more obvious. I couldn’t care any less. I watch his gaze leap from between the pages of the book to my table sitting in the corner of the room. Maybe it would be less obvious that he wasn’t reading if the book wasn’t upside down. Stupid boy. I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that I caught his eye but I kept that inside. No care,no pain.
That’s how it goes. I ran my fingers slowly over the front cover of my book. A book about a girl with special powers that allows her to communicate with individuals from other dimensions but is immediately dragged away from the public and prepped for experiments.Funny how that works. A power, a strange indifference could throw away your life. Land you in a cell with cuffs around your wrists. A power is a beautiful thing. Yet people with them, hide them or pretend they don’t exist because if they do, boom. Gone. Institution or needle to the arm. A one way ticket to the Heaven we think we know.
I lift my gaze from the fluorescent green cover and catch his eye. He smiles. I want to smile. But I don’t. Then I leave.