Idk I can’t remember but it was in my drive as “woorrrdddss”

by cerissadival

Written sometime in 2013.

I couldn’t breath. His hand pressed deep into my throat, causing a scratchy heat to ignite inside my body. I could feel the pressure of my blood filling my cheeks, my heart beat pulsing loudly in my ears. “Pl…ease!” I screamed. I clawed at his heavy hands. Their weight was more than I could bare. His callouses and liquor scented odor pressed close to my body. “Your just like your fucken mother!” He screamed. The rage in his eyes scared me to death. They were terrifying. I couldn’t predict what would happen next. I couldn’t see any weakness in his eyes, I couldn’t understand him. “D..ad!” I screamed louder, my body slowly surrendering to the pain. I looked to my right. His almost finished beer sat on it’s side,dripping out the liquid onto the cold carpet. My fingers crept over to the lip of the bottle. When I had a good enough grip over the thick glass, I wrapped my hand around the thinner part of the bottle. I took a deep breath and looked back to his solid eyes. I brought the bottle crashing over the back of his head,blood splattering over my fingers.

I leaped from underneath his body,pushing him onto his side and sprinting for the door. “YOU SON OF A BIT-GOD DAMN!” I looked back to see him clutching the back of his head, a trail of dark blood trickling around his fingers. I grabbed the bag I had packed earlier before running out the door. I checked to make sure the $500 was still cozily settled between my boob and my bra. I grabbed the handle and threw myself out into the cool summer air. The fresh scent flushed threw my sinuses, tripping me up before I could fully get my feet moving. I ran as far as I could, my feet slamming against the gravel. The freedom filled my eyes with tears. I raised my arms out wide and ran, my hair dancing with the humidity. I smiled. The tears brought a strange coolness to my face that I didn’t want to wipe away. My muscles felt numb yet strong. My bag scraped my side as it swung with my footsteps. I could barely see a thing,the light of my phone lead my way. “CASSIDY!” He screamed, I could feel his voice peel away at the back of his throat. I ran faster. Harder.

 

The sky seemed so silent. The stars seemed so close tonight, as if maybe I could leap just a bit higher than usual and catch one in my own fingers. The road was painted in moonlight, my steps leavening foot prints in it’s beams. My lungs felt as if they could break right through my chest and die. I stopped for a moment to rest. I flipped my bag to the center of my body and rummaged through all of my scattered belongings for my inhaler. My fingers gripped the plastic and I immediately raised it to my lips. Blast. The freshness iced my lungs in a smooth coolness and I could relax for a moment longer. Then I broke. The whimpers came slowly and then all at once, an avalanche that was bound to happen. I dropped my bag and hugged myself,my fingernails digging into my torso. “Kill me…” I whispered through my tears. “KILL ME!” JUST FUCKEN DO IT!” My knees gave out below me. There I was, side of the road where I waited to die. I felt helpless. I am helpless.

 

I continued to clutch my sides as if their was a monster trying to rip through my insides,wrapping itself in my bones,thriving off my own organs. Perhaps,we could call that depression. I reached for my bag but felt nothing but the rough gravel under my touch. I couldn’t do this anymore. I can’t do it. I’m dead. I good as dead and I want nothing more than that. I found the lip of my bag and pulled it into my body. My hand felt the inside of the bag for the bottle of sleeping pills. I busted open the top,sending it flying into the tree line. I dumped everything in my hand and began taking them, throwing them back with a swig of vodka from my water bottle. I waited for the poison to swallow my insides and finish me whole.

 

I cried. And cried. I said nothing. Just waited for the killing to begin. My eyes shut and the night grew louder. The leaves rustled louder than usual, the wind picking up in all directions. A heavy coo of an owl echoed through the trees to the side of the road where I laid. I looked up and could see I was bleeding around my neck and stomach from his grip. The blood had drenched my shirt. It didn’t hurt. I barely noticed but the blood seemed heavy. My head laid back into the gravel and I watched the night sky. “How do you stay in one spot?” I whispered to myself, speaking to the stars. I felt a sharp pain in my upper abdomen and I was out. “Goodbye.” I thought.
Goodnight.