Discovered Venting Piece

by cerissadival

My life is this big blur. There’s no other way to describe it. Life is one big blur. You think in the morning…okay I have to get through this today and suddenly it’s over and you’re just like “wow.” That’s called dying. You’re dying. You’re life is progressing forward. I started noticing my days every morning. “Today will end and no one will speak of it.” Things turn into memories and memories die with them. Nothing in life last. Point blank. Painful right? But why is that painful? Isn’t that life? Well, we as humans, as individuals hope we leave an everlasting mark on this small earth to be remembered by. We fear that our soul will never find itself again. That once we die our soul won’t recognize the bodies it lived in before and what they accomplished. But why does it matter if we accomplish anything at all? It’s life and society taught us goals=happiness=success. No. I’ll fight that. Because it’s wrong.

You=free thinking=individuality=happiness that’s it right there. That’s the equation to life.

Free thinking + individually + peace = happiness and life.

Why don’t we follow this? Because society teaches us we can’t and in a world where that equation can’t be fully expressed, I wouldn’t want to live at all without it! I need that equation, not how to find the square root of 16. No. That’s not life. Knowledge is our open minds. If we eat something that makes us feel bad, we LEARN not to eat it again. We learn how to walk, how to run and swim and speak!! That’s knowledge. Diving into open waves and feeling so alive is living. Being with the earth is living. I feel like a domesticated human. That’s what we were. The government is our masters and we are the domesticated humans. Just like any other domesticated animal because hell, that’s what we are!! And if anyone is disgusted by that then you are not human at heart and I recommend you dig deep and find yourself. We. Are. Just. Animals. We are animals that went too far. You know how jealous I am of the bird? Very. Their brain is not too complexed to hurt. They just fly, they breath, they see the earth, they don’t run on time, they run on life!! They reproduce and die! And you know what, that bird will leave more of a mark then I ever can because I am not allowed to be me in this society. In this corrupted, brain-washing society. To hell with politics, to hell with putting labels on clouds! Why name a cloud scientifically when you can name it emotionally!?!? “MY LOVE” that’s what that cloud is! “BEAUTY” that’s the other clouds name!! This earth is so beautiful.

I walked the beach with my headphones in. My toes curing through the sand and slashing through the ripples that kiss the surface. My music was sad and understanding. I watched the world spill around me. I felt like I was a ghost and I loved the feeling. I realized…these people will not know they saw you, maybe you’ll reappear in a dream because they’re brain remembers you subconsciously but they do NOT know you and they will NOT know that you died. I peered into all of their lives. The smiling girls walking by, the young children running ahead of their mother toward the waves, people lounging in the sun along the beach, every. Single. Person. Had. A. Story. And I couldn’t know it and that’s what killed me. I wanted to know them. I thought “well I bet they know Selena Gomez” but who is she? Just a pop artist. Nothingeven remotely important in the defintion of the world and that’s the truth. But they don’t know me. I wanted to introduce myself and dance through the waves and swim until my bones hurt and I wanted to run and know ballet and flip through the air and feel free but I felt kept. I felt so jarred. And that’s because I am. No one does what’s right anymore. People say..well…if the other person is doing it why not join in. Because we’re not okay enough the dive in first because if the first person dies you don’t want that to be you. But what happened to the risk takers? No. Not the risk takers. We made that term for the people who actually live life. Who aren’t afraid to dream! They plunge in and let go and they know that they are safe and if not, then that’s life! We die and start over. That’s just it. People say “if you commit suicide,you’re going to hell”. These people want something to believe in. So they throw it on something that they can’t prove but will follow blindly. I hate religion. Instead of religion being a happy thing, like it’s supposed to be…it destroys people,kills people, murders children, destroys families,destroys everything,like a domino. One thing falls,then the next and then bam, we’re in what the people call a “war.” Sad isn’t it? Religion is supposed to be something you can put your faith in? Something you can follow blindly and then when it’s your time,hope what you believe in is on the other side. I believe in nothing but believe in something. I can believe in everything if I wanted to! But you know what…I might get killed for saying that. Sad. Very very sad. The world is poisioned and theirs no way to fix it. The problem is too big and people are too stubborn to make a change. Remember that thing Kony? Everyone listened and wanted to make a change only because it went viral on the internet. But once it disappeared, no one spoke of the children who were murdered or pulled into war as soldiers. No one ever spoke of them. Because in this world it’s only what’s popular. Because naturally we went to be the biggest and the strongest and the healthiest because that’s life! Survival of the fittest,yes? But what happened to humanity? Call me a tree hugger or whatever you would like but this life I have…is not it. I could sit here and say all my goodbyes to my friends and family but it’s not goodbye. I’ll see you all again. We will all see eachother again! I know that’s true. I know it is. Our souls will find eachother when we are reborn and old enough. I promise you that I will find you. I will find everybody. But we will all have new stories to tell and new lives and new birth marks to show and more and more to uncover! That’s the beautiful part that everyone missed. The energy in us does NOT die. We die and then roam…and find a new being to be. It’s beautiful.

I’m not missing time in my life because…life is larger than anything and life never dies. The word “die” was only out there by scientists who couldn’t believe in something like immortality. Everyone on this damned earth is immortal and you better believe it. You my friend never die, just the body, just the home you live in. But YOU never die. YOU LIVE! So try things and fail and hurt and go through hell and if you die, so what? I promise you safety little one. I promise! We are aliens on this planet, more alien then the next! We are people. We are humans.